Angel (
didntgetdadslooks) wrote2020-04-05 06:22 pm
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OFFICE HOURS
Got something you want to say to your good friend The Professor's Assistant? Come on in, don't be shy! Her official hours are daylight hours - girl has to sleep? after all, probably - but if you knock on the door at night she'll generally answer. Please just make sure to leave the in-game date and time in the header of your toplevel!
All comments are screened for confidentiality during the course of the experiment.
All comments are screened for confidentiality during the course of the experiment.
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[ For once, Angel is outwardly and visibly Not Here For This Shit. ]
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You overblown, tyrannical piece of shit. You slimy, underhanded monster. I will, I will make you regret targeting me. This isn't a threat, it's a promise. I'll make you the one with regrets.
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I'm sure he heard you loud and clear.
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[ Della's shoulders slump a little. It doesn't look like this is giving her the catharsis she wanted. ]
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He's a bastard, it's good to remind him.
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You have any idea where he gets these ideas from? ...The offers, threats?
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...as long as we throw away our morals.
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[ That actually seems to get Angel angry for a second, which... might not be an emotion she's actually displayed in front of anyone here yet? Huh. But she bites it back. ]
Just remember, you'll still have been here.
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...So how's that work? I go back, if I don't die in the process of throwing all these perfectly nice and innocent people under the bus, remember everything the way it was, and have to just pretend that actually I didn't throw myself into outer space with no recovery plan, letting everyone I love believe I was lost forever?
I just pretend that didn't happen?
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[ After a long few moments, Della drops her head into her hands and sighs. More than sighs, just...lets all the air out from her lungs, a nice deep purge. ]
That's not changing my regrets, that's...looking my mistake in the face, every day of my life. Even more than I already do. After everything, they still wouldn't have their mother. I still wouldn't know them. They still wouldn't know me. I barely know me.
[ She stares at the ground, forehead on the desk, hands at her temples. ]
You can't just change your past. You can just learn.
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I... as someone who recently got a past at all, I don't know if I'm qualified to say just yet, but... you're not gonna hear me disagreeing.
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I would've given anything. To see them hatch. Their first steps, first words. First day of school. To see each of them grow. I'd give my other leg. My everything. My sons...are my whole world. If I could've understood that, sooner. If...I could've understood what was sacrificing for them, what was really selfish.
[ All she does, she continues to just stare at the floor, as something empty inside her keeps growing. ]
But... I'm always gonna have taken that ride. I'm never going to have that life. Even if I change it. It's not mine. I didn't earn it.
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Della... listen to me, okay? You're right - we can't change what we've done. I'm not going to be able to undo any of what I've done any more than you are. But the person you were then isn't the person you are now. Which means you can't judge that you by the you you are now.
[ A beat. ]
... If that made absolutely no sense I'm sorry, I remembered over twenty years of my life like an hour ago and my brain is a mess. But I think that the choices we make define us. Both the bad and the good. And no matter what, at the end of the day this whole thing is bullshit.
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There's a part of her that wants to snap, that she doesn't want to hear this, not from Angel. Could Angel help it? ...Does Angel really have a choice in the matter? It's not fair, none of this is fair. Not a single part of this.
Della murmurs: ] Ten years. I'll never get those ten years back.
[ And then, she sits up. At least, she raises her head. ]
I'm...gonna think on this more. In the present. No changing the past.
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Good plan.
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I'm not... I don't know. I don't expect to be back here like this again, but, if I do... Tell me I said that. Smack some sense, or...something.
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[ She starts to leave, but. ]
...Take a look around the cartography room sometime. You'll find some things you might recognize.
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Will do. Goodbye, Della.